A few months ago, during one of my darkest and most hopeless of times, I found myself questioning if all that hard work for so many years being C's mom had been for nothing. Had we really added to his life if where we ended up was where all those "professionals" we saw in his early years predicted? I sat in front of our Social Worker and told him where my dark thoughts had led me that day. He reassured me that although perhaps I couldn't see it through my pain that day, we had done a lot for our son. I asked him to please just keep reminding me over the next few months that being his parents has made a difference to his life. He honoured that request as did the rest of the team. I needed their hope and conviction while I found my way out of the deep dark hole I was in.
A friend then sent me the following in an email a few days later. It hit home then and it hits home now as we try to navigate a new system and educate and build relationships in our home community with service providers.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
~Mother Teresa
I have just read your blog, and can empathise with you. We fostered a baby girl (just four days old) over 20 years ago. The care was to be for only 2 to 6 weeks. She is still with us, and will be 21 soon. Both her parents have Bipolar Disorder. But in our ignorance, we believed that if we were 'perfect parents' that we could protect her from those dark demons. Always a very spirited, active and hyper child, we first saw the demons of depression when she approached puberty. Despite all our efforts, she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder just prior to her 13th birthday. The hardest day of my life was when I saw her admitted to a juvenile mental health hospital to have her diagnosed and treatment begun. I felt as if I had failed her. I would have given ANYTHING to have protected her from this. We have walked a rough road since then. But I know that the security we gave her HAS been important, and she knows that we are still there for her. It is not an easy journey; I pray that your son will be able to obtain the help he needs. I know what it is like to hold up that white flag, and have it overlooked. She knows that her whole life will be touched by this disorder; that frightens her, and brings me much pain. I just want her to be happy and fulfilled in life. God bless you and your family.
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