Friday, October 29, 2010

I am sitting here at the computer responding to a few emails before I quickly eat and then maybe finally shower and then I need to bake some cupcakes and clean and and and . . . all before I go for yet ANOTHER treatment/placement/services meeting about C. I started to think - how many of these meetings for C have I been to??? Honestly if I had to guess I would say it has been no less than 150 in 8 years. Thats NOT including all the medical appointments.

Each meeting is AT LEAST an hour. Usually a lot more and usually longer because of me - I like to be thorough and C is a complex kid.

So even if we are conservative and say half those meetings are 1 hour and half were 2 hours long then that means I have spent at least 225 hours in meetings

that's not including all the phone calls and letters leading up to them

its not including the travel time to and from and MANY I have to travel 2 hours away to get to!!!!

Oh my, and its not including all the parent and kid groups for treatment and again we travel over 200km each away to get to those - sometimes we have to go once a week for 10-12 weeks (like I am now for an attachment group).


No wonder I am soooooo flipping tired of meetings

I have one this afternoon.

Its very important.

I don't want to go

Can you imagine if I just didn't show up?????

All of you other mom's of "spirited" kids know what I am talking about here. We love our kids but it feels good to think for just a minute that I don't have to go to this meeting. I could just stand there and stomp my foot and say "NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and instead go get a Pumpkin Latte and sit by a warm fireplace somewhere and read a good book.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Getting Clear - Post on Hopeful Parents

I don't know about you but I did not expect to have to become an expert mediator when I became a parent. I suppose I anticipated honing my parenting skills as my children grew, making mistakes and learning from them. If pushed I would have agreed that there would likely be times I would be put in the uncomfortable role of needing to confront an adult in my child's life over something but I would have guessed it would have been something along the lines of not being played enough on the soccer field, or being wrongly accused of something at school. I didn't anticipate the sometimes daily onslaught of phone calls and meetings, intense negotiations that even the most skilled and trained mediator would find challenging.
Funny thing (well more ironic than funny "ha ha") is that I am a very socially anxious person. I have a hard time talking on the phone and could go days without even talking to someone if allowed. The idea of going to a room with as little as 3 people in it for whatever reason is enough to make me shake with nervousness and my mouth go dry. I hate confrontation of any sort and I even have a hard time figuring out how I FEEL about things. Most people who know me are completely flabbergasted when they find this out about me. My own husband of over 15 years used to think I was being flippant when he would ask me "Well how do YOU feel about it?" and I would answer "I don't know". I really didn't. As soon as my emotions were activated in any way that was remotely threatening or overwhelming to me I would "shut down" and I couldn't think straight at all. I would just feels waves of raw and very intense emotions, weird things would happen with my vision and more often than not I would no longer really be "hearing" anything that was being said. For those old enough to get the reference, think of the teacher on the Peanuts cartoon "wah wah wah". I didn't know if I was mad or sad or frustrated or feeling threatened. All I knew was there was a panic bell going off in my head.

To read the rest head over to Hopeful Parents

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Still Here

I wanted to pop on and let you all (all 5 of you - lol) that I am still here but my kids were gracious enough to share their cold with me last week that has seriously kicked my butt. I haven't been this sick in a very long time.

But I woke up this morning and realized.

I have been sick for about a week. During that time there have been many changes and challenges - particularly for C. But he's doing GREAT!

In October EVERY year for 8 years C has struggled greatly. Not sleeping, hoarding food, out of control in a way that you know isn't his choice and is so painful to watch not to mention experience.

But he's doing great.

I probably just jinxed us. But honestly if I can openly bemoan the tragedies and struggles I should be able to shout the wondrous events from a mountain top.

He's doing great and so are we. Well, if I can get rid of this cold then I'll be great!