Tuesday, April 27, 2010

What if?

What if . . .

your son was spiraling into a dark place

where you could not reach him

and he called out for you

his screams and cries cutting

through to your heart

threatening to make it explode

What if . . .

the only people who could "help"

did not see the wonderfulness that is your son

could not understand your fear and desperation

did not share your hope and belief in your son

and were willing to let him sink deeper and deeper

What if . . .

you were too exhausted

and confused

and overwhelmed

to fight the way you have fought

in the past

What if . . .

you didn't know how to help him

didn't know what was wrong

or what to do

and you don't even know

what you are supposed

to be fighting for

What if . . .

the deepest darkest fear

that you don't want to admit

to anyone,

least of all yourself

is that this is just the start

of you losing your son

and that one day

worse than him screaming out

for you to help him

will be

when the screaming stops


  1. oh, I hear you. I hope that some else who can help does too.
    Hang in there.

  2. Sending our love, extra strength and support. You are not alone. Wish we were closer. May you find answers and soon.

  3. I don't really know what to comment, just want you to know that this post really moved me, and I just felt like I should. I do hope you find answers and comfort soon.

  4. I don't know what to say either. I hope you find answers and comfort soon, a light somewhere.

  5. Thanks everyone. Things aren't as bad as they were although I am feeling "stuck" and unsure as to how to proceed. I am also not sure that the crisis we just went through won't rear its ugly head again. sigh

    One day at a time.