Saturday, February 12, 2011

My "friend"

I was reading Marty's Musings over at Waldenbunch and she had posted about her "friend" financial worry that holds her back.

My friend is free floating anxiety. I've lived with it my whole life. Waking up in the morning and being hit by this horrible, gut wrenching feeling of dread and despair.

But when I take a moment to take stock of my life I quickly realize - everything is ok. I'm ok. There really isn't anything looming (usually). The interesting thing is that when there IS something to be stressed and worried about - that is when I feel really calm and just move into action mode.

So far this morning I have yelled and screamed at every member of my family. Apparently I seem to be really mad about something or at someone. But when I took a moment to reflect I realized - I'm just back to feeling anxious and worried. Much like our kids who have experienced trauma - something has triggered in me and I'm lashing out and driving people away.

But now that I have recognized and labelled my own miscuing - maybe I can sort this out sooner rather than later. Or at least one can dream. I too have a feeling that, as Marty wrote -
This "friend" and I will probably do battle for a lifetime.

What is your "friend"?

1 comment:

  1. I don't think you can parent kids like ours without anxiety. I completely get it coming at the more calmer times in life. Then when the tough times come we moms especially switch into take charge mode and just deal with it when we have to.