Changes

Please bare with me as I try to update the look of my blog. Of course I started tinkering with it when I really don't have the time and it's not even in the top 50 items on my "to-do" list. However I just found out (kind of) how to add pictures to the top header so I started playing with it.


My amazing husband has taken C with him to visit his mother for the weekend. J is at sleepaway camp (another post) so I have the house to myself for the weekend. Interspersed with lots of cleaning and organizing will be spending time with friends as well as meeting with my (very part-time) employer to pick up some contract work that will hopefully help pay for our family vacation this year - which we desperately need.

I'll be back.

Don't leave me over the colour combos and blurry picture on my blog - please? lol

Silver Lining

Many of my friends joke about my propensity to always see the silver lining in stressful times.  In my early adult years I saw it as a gift, after years of extreme parenting I see it as an absolute necessity.

I find it amusing that I can go through REALLY stressful and rough times, particularly when C is in a manic phase and surprisingly I am easily able to keep myself motivated and upbeat through much of it. I can acknowledge that it is stressful, it sucks and that I am eager for it to end BUT I also have no problems seeing the silver linings.

Then there are days like yesterday and today. Yesterday I woke up late since neither mine nor A's alarms went off. In 18 years that has NEVER happened. But we still woke up in time for everyone to get ready for school. Everyone else coped - even our boy with a strong, strong need for routine and structure. Everyone else left the house on time and with a smile. Not me. I dragged. I had missed my shower, I was behind on my own routine and I just couldn't seem to get back on track. I was just about to hop drag my butt into the shower when the phone rang. It was the school (and yes I considered not answering) and C was not feeling well. So I had to drag my stanky self down to the school after racing to brush my teeth, comb my bird nest hair and throw on deodorant and clothes (aren't you glad, reading that, that I completed ALL of those VERY necessary steps before leaving my house?).

On the way to the school I noticed my one sandal was flopping around on my foot. But I didn't have time to stop and inspect. So I continued on, trying not to trip over my own feet. Got C home and had to argue about why I wasn't going to let him watch a movie now that he was home. I still hadn't eaten and then the phone calls and emails started coming in. There is finally movement with regard to funding and C's supports and getting this all sorted with his new provider and of course it all needs to be organized and carefully orchestrated and although I TRIED to stay out of it, in the end, there were just pieces I had to take care of if I didn't want to have to deal with a bigger fall out later. So I just kept breathing and made the calls and sent off emails all the while redirecting C. Thankfully his amazing support worker was due at 10 so that helped immensely.

Then I got a call I needed to have some papers in for funding reimbursement and oh did I mention that we are in the midst of a postal worker lock out?? So I can't mail the forms and the office isn't local and the only other option is fax. I asked if I could scan and send an electronic PDF (much more appropriate for the year 2011) but was told no. So I had to have A come home at lunch to get the forms to fax from work for me, which was ok because he had also forgotten the lunch that I had made him at the expense of having my shower.

I then discovered that the problem with my shoe was that I had let C wear them (please note - they are a man's sandal I bought cause they fit my wide feet wonderfully) because he grew YET AGAIN and did not have sandals at the time. Of course he didn't tell me he ripped the strap right out of the sole. sigh.

Then I tried to sort out pharmacy woes. Well really it is not the pharmacies issue AT ALL. They are awesome. It's all because the boys are going to camp and the restrictions on meds like Concerta and the fact that we couldn't order more til today (oh reminder to go to pharmacy) and C's meds are not all on the same schedule because of various med changes over the past year so its a nightmare right now that just haven't had time to sort. Add to that I have misplaced a prescription for a different med. ahhhhhhhhhh!

Then I went to get J at school at the end of the day, still not having had a chance to shower and while there a bird shit on me!!!!!!

The evening was slightly better

Then this morning I was supposed to head out of town for a meeting. I got up on time, I showered, I had everyone ready and out the door. Went to leave and  .. . . .

I have no house key

I messed  up - left it for someone last week that stayed with my kid. That person took it with them and I did remember to ask for it back for forgot to follow up.

I can't leave my door unlocked of course and to have A come home would have taken to long as I have JUST enough time to get to this meeting IF I leave right when the kids leave for school.

So silver lining to all of this - I don't have to spend 4 hours in the car today and everyone thinks I am out of town at a meeting so I should be able to get lots of things accomplished.

My Amazing Man

Part of my commitment to myself and to my family is to do better taking care of myself. I feel weird just even typing that as I used to always roll my eyes when people would say that "But hon, you have to do things to take care of you!" and I would smile politely and say "I know, I know" and then walk away rolling my eyes saying "As if . . . ".

But if I learned anything last year - it's that I absolutely must find ways to take care of myself. So today I had an appointment and while I was there I shut my phone off. Yup, shut it off. Because, really, I NEEDED that therapy appointment and even if the phone rang, what would I do?? Walk out of an exceptionally expensive and important appointment to race accross town to do what exactly?? And truth be told I haven't had a call from the school (other than for legitimate illness) in a very long time.

I guess we were overdue.

At the end of my appointment I looked at my phone. 2 missed calls. From the school. Funny thing was though, I didn't panic. My stomach didn't bottom out. I thought to myself " I sure hope they called A".  A further look at my phone told me that they had and he had messaged me to say that he knew I was at my appointment (have to LOVE that synchronized Outlook calendar on our Blackberry's) and he was heading to the school.

All this began occurring at 9:30. By the time I got home at 10:30 C was settled at home with a worker and A was on his way back to work. Everyone was calm. C had balked at doing class work (probably partly the work, partly the heat and partly the anticipation of a HUGE purchase that he made for himself that was due to be delivered today - more on that later). Anyhow, instead of blowing up in class he removed himself to the washroom. The call from the school was in case he blew completely. Instead he managed to pull himself together and get back to class for a few minutes before A even got home.

On my drive home though I admit I worried how A would react. Would he be frustrated or even angry at the wasted drive home in the middle of his work day? Instead I heard how he discussed it calmly with our boy and made sure to congratulate him on his ability to work it through and go back to class.

He's amazing that man of mine.

Uncondtional

There has been so much happening and I will be getting back on here more because in the end it is important to me and I enjoy writing and having a journal to look back on. I'd also like to think that even if my words and/or experiences connect with even one other person that is an amazing thing.

Before I get bogged down with everyday life and trying to catch up on this poor neglected blog - I wanted to share something with you.

We had a meeting today with C's new service/support provider and CPRI to begin this transition process. There were 8 people around the table. We all sat down and settled in and then there was silence - I looked around and realized they were all looking at me. It was a little overwhelming for a moment as the meaning of this sunk in - this was truly my meeting on behalf of my son and our family. TRULY our meeting in every sense of the word and to start off they were respecting my role by allowing me to run the meeting.

I don't think I had ever realized that this had never happened before. I had been involved in some meetings more than others depending on the circumstances and I would never had thought that everyone sitting back and waiting for the parent to begin would be that powerful. It is. Once I caught my breath I told them what I was thinking and there were these pained looks on every face - they all felt that it was a shame I had not experienced this before. We quickly moved on and I set the stage for what I wanted to achieve through this meeting.

Things progressed and people talked and shared and strategized. Then I felt tears coming to my eyes as I came to another realization.

This was the first time I was in a room surrounded by people who had supported my son in the past as well as people who would continue to support him in the future and every single person was there in a positive supportive role. Not a single person was frustrated with me, angry with me, intimidated by me. Not a single person had come in with an agenda of their own. Not a single person felt they knew my son better or felt that if they could just get me to understand that their way was better than mine. Not a single person felt that isolation, punishment and being harsh was the way to go with our son.

The room was filled with intelligent, articulate, skilled individuals who wanted to support our family in positive ways. They acknowledged my key role as his mother and only wanted to truly support our family in whatever way we see fit - not try to make us fit into a mould they had already poured.

Unconditional respect and acceptance for our family and our son.

Hunh, so that's what that feels like.